Knot In My Stomach

Lately I’ve been waking up nervous and excited everyday.. I just don’t know what to do with myself right now. Just a week ago, I was finally able to have my papers sent off to get a new visa. My current one is expiring in January. Its the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I worry about when I go to bed. I can’t Imagine having to leave this country. I love it so much here, the music, the people, the freedom, the food, the diversity, the long never ending roads, I love it all! Sometimes I get used to it and complain about being in Odessa, since its the armpit of the USA. But I remind myself everyday of how free I feel here. I remember coming here on vacation with my parents when I was little, and I would just fantasize how I would live here someday, and I actually did it.. Unlike so many people, I didn’t give up my childhood dreams. I’ve met soooo many great people while I’ve been here. All my best friends live here. I couldn’t survive in Holland anymore.. I don’t think. I spent my whole life trying to be “American.” I never felt like I fit in, in Holland. I’m still always the odd one out, but I feel more American than I do Dutch..

Well anywaysss I wanted to thank everyone again that helped me on my current visa application. It means so much to me that even complete strangers reached out. In hopefully 2 months I’ll know if I’m accepted or not, and then I’ll be able to stay here for another year at least ūüôā

And then tomorrow… is the first entry day for the “DV lottery.” This is a lottery, where the government just gives 50 000 random people a¬†green card¬† I’ve been entering for the last 5 years and still haven’t one. But maybe this will be my time ūüôā

A lot of people have told me that there’s no way it’s this difficult to come in to this country, since there are sooooooooo many illegals. I know.. this makes me so mad! I just learned that if I had come here illegally and stayed here for the amount of time I have been, I would have been¬†eligible¬†for a¬†green card¬†next year.. Its not fair that people that are¬†literally¬†committing crimes are being rewarded for it. But me complaining about this won’t get me anywhere, so I’ll just keep doing it my way.. the legal way. the legal way means applying for a visa, that suits your reason for coming to this country. My first visa was to be an exchange student, this visa was just a 100 bucks. Since I came with an organization, the process was pretty easy because they took care of everything. Going to college, I needed a new visa. This was a little bit harder, because I needed proof that I had money. I needed to have at least 14 ooo dollars in the bank to support myself. Since me and my parents made an agreement that if I’d move to the US I would support myself, I worked 3 jobs for a year and saved 18 000.. So with that proof and papers from the school I got in. Then last year I needed a work visa.. this really freaked me out. With the help of my counselor at the college we applied and 4 months later I heard i was approved.. 4 longest months of my life! If i hadn’t been approved I would’ve had to go back to Holland. So now it’s waiting for this visa… Hopefully I’ll know a little sooner, don’t feel like waiting 4 months again :/

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