Grow up!

When I was 7 years old I decided I would move to the United States! My parents loved the country and were always talking about moving there. They planted a dream in me, that I still haven’t let go. I didn’t know yet how or when, but one day I would move. As a kid, I didn’t think about what that would mean, leaving my family, my culture, my friends.. Everything I knew in my little world. I always thought I’d become a famous singer. I thought as soon as Id set foot on American soil I would be handed a record deal. Then I could fly back and forth whenever I would please. So what’s everyone crying about?.. Oh how nice it was to be so naive 😉 I know better now, it takes 1200 bucks and 20 plus hours to see my family. Not a little walk to the house I grew up in to have a cup of coffee to catch up with my mom, shopping sprees with my little sister, or driving down to see how opa and Oma are doing. People often think when I tell them I moved to this country alone, that I must have been the black sheep of the family.. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. My family is very close. I had a wonderful childhood and have the best parents. Me and my mom had our daily Oprah session, where I would come home from school and we’d make snacks and watch Oprah together. Now we talk on the phone every other day and talk about the Ellen Show. Opa and Oma have figured out email, so we stay in touch. I might be thousands of miles away, but I’m still very close to my family. I often wonder if I would have stayed in holland some of my adult life, maybe until I was 20, if I would’ve ever left… I had no clue how hard it would be to persue my biggest dream. I left right before that stage in life when you start thinking about the consequences, and things that can go wrong. I thought I was invincible. Even though I only had money to pay for a car and one year of college, I knew I would be here forever. I had no plan B, this was it! And I’m still here, living with my sweet puppy and favorite person in the world, happier than ever. Living in a house surrounded by trees and flowers and silence, except for when our redneck neighbors work on one of their 5 pick up trucks that are broke down in the yard.. Haha I didn’t say I was finished dreaming! I still have big plans, but it’s nice to share those with the person you love. As independent as I have been, and as fast as I’ve had to grow up, I love not having to feel alone anymore. So far I’ve found everything I’ve ever dreamed of! I’m happy 

Turning off my iPhone

Bzzzt.. First thing I heard this morning… My phone. It was still early, but as I tried to doze back off, I went down the list off what “bzzzt” could be. What if I had an important email, what if it was my mom trying to get a hold of me? That was it, I couldn’t go back to sleep. But I didn’t want to look at my phone just yet. I wanted to stay in “sleep mode” just a little bit longer. I moved to my other side and was immediately greeted by little brick, licking me in the face. I lifted him up off the bed to take him outside. Like a true unemployed hippie, I walked outside in my bright pink robe and neon yellow spotted rain boots. A little embarrassed I stood with Brick as I watched people drive by, patting my hair down. They’re probably going to work, I thought. I bet they’re wondering why I’m standing here in my robe on a Monday morning instead of going to work like normal people. I took Brick back inside and climbed back into our warm comfortable bed. Brick made his way under the covers and snuggled up against Charlie. I went ahead and checked my phone. Nothing.. Just some trivia crack games, words with friends, a couple snap chats and texts from my best friends before they’d went off to work earlier that morning. I started playing a few games. It amazes me how I can waste hours just being on my phone. I go from app to app, just wasting time. Refreshing the feed on facebook, continuing on to Instagram, and then pinning the wedding dress I would someday want to wear, and trips I want to take. The more I’ve been thinking about it, the more I’m starting to despise my phone. Though I don’t want to live without it. Google is my hero, I can’t tell you how many times I search translations, and many questions that pop into my head throughout the day. Also I wouldn’t know where to go without the GPS on that thing. And most importantly I can contact my family at all times. Still.. It seems every since I’ve had an iPhone, my mind has just been running non stop. I don’t know if I’m 24 going on 70, but I’m already missing little things I used to enjoy in my childhood, not being sure if I’m even completely out of that yet. Me and my dad used to spend hours at cd stores, listening to songs on several CDs and carefully selecting one to buy, to then take turns to get to play it in the car. Now I just go on my phone and boom there is the song I want. I don’t ever have to wait for songs to come out anymore, which has made me appreciate music a lot less. I used to be excited for months waiting for a cd to be released, ride my bike to the store, listen to each song, buy the cd and go home and listen to it until I could sing each song. I feel like this is just one example of many things that has made me such an impatient person. I want everything now! Being annoyed with myself I forced myself a few weeks ago to rent a book. I used to love to get lost in stories when I was a kid. To my surprise, I still do. I guess all the boring books in highschool and college had just discouraged me. Just reading a few pages, I feel my mind settling down. Laying in bed tonight, instead of watching tv while playing games on my phone until 3am with my mind going a 100 miles an hour, I’m reading in silence. My favorite person sleeping next to me and my little puppy having his face smushed up against my stomach, curled up in a little ball. I’m so grateful for the things in my life, it feels good to take the time to realize what you have every now and then instead of worrying about what you don’t. I really gotta turn my phone off more often